O.K. I have already established that I can channel Julie Andrews, and on occasion I can even channel Charlie Manson, But since I use my powers for goodness, you wont see me on the Psychic Friends Network. Recently my friend and editor, the wise beyond his years Gary Taylor, asked a favor of me. I appreciate his confidence, but I am sorry to report that channeling a hawk is beyond me. It seems that I lack the purity required for such a undertaking.

Resourceful as I am, I decided to call in a few favors of my own. My request came to fruition last week when a beautiful hawk answered my call and agreed to be interviewed. He said a little favorable PR never hurt. What follows is the conversation we had, in it's entirety. I apologize if certain nuances are lost in the translation.

Bob- Thank you for taking the time to speak to me.

Hawk- No problem, time is all I have left.

Bob- Do you mind if I ask you your name?

Hawk- Not at all. Except I don't have a name. My kind has no need for distinctions other than friend, foe and food. We realize that names and such have a divisive effect and take away from the whole.

Bob- The whole? Can you elucidate on that?

Hawk- Sure, but I'm not surprised you would need an explanation. You uprights have lost all sense of balance. I am just one of my kind, no better or worse than any other. My kind share the sky with other winged ones. Us winged ones share the world with those that swim, and the walkers and crawlers. Uprights are walkers, except from my point of view you don't do much walking anymore. The stationary ones provided food for some of us and the others eat those that eat the stationary ones. Some eat everything in it's path, namely you uprights. Once upon a time, everything was content with it's place in the larger picture. The whole still exists, it is just diminished.

Bob- You seem disapproving of us humans...uh I mean uprights. Most of us are only following the will of God, he has after all placed them here to rule over the world.

Hawk- Where on earth did they hear that. When you say god, I assume you are referring to the great spirit, and believe me he had no idea your kind would evolve into such a greedy beast. Before you noisy people showed up the quiet ones, the ones who walked, actually understood their place and even considered us others as equals. They had no need to conquer. And if I'm not mistaken it was you noisy uprights who destroyed the quiet ones, just as you nearly ended the thundering walkers on the sea of grass. The quiet ones believed my kind to be the great spirits messengers.

Bob- Is it true?

Hawk- Well, I don't like to boast but, yes. Although we stopped bringing messages from the Great Spirit when you noisy ones prevented the others from hearing. Some of the quiet ones still listen, but they are old will soon pass on. And the knowledge of how to listen will be lost forever. Now we only report back to what is happening.

Bob- What do you tell the Great Spirit is happening?

Hawk- The truth of how the noisy uprights are poisoning everything to make it more comfortable, She finds that one very amusing. We also tell her how your kind is turning everything into a stone that is not stone. And how there are so many of you that there is no longer any room left for us others. We also tell her that we  prefer the tall stationary ones to the sticks with lights and the humming black vines.

Bob- Humming black vines? You mean telephone lines. We use them to communicate.

Hawk- Figures, more noise. The another thing we tell the Great Spirit is how you never shut up and never slow down. To that she replied; "at least sharks are silent." I'm not sure what that means, I've never seen a shark, but I'll take her word for it. Do you mind if I ask you a question?

Bob- No, not at all.

Hawk- What is with those screaming hard boxes you subject yourselves to? I mean, are they really necessary?

Bob- If you ask me, no. But are leaders have made it impossible to survive without them. They make us go to work, and then put those jobs so far away that we need those screaming hard boxes to get there. It's called progress.

Hawk- If you ask me, it's a big waste of time.

Bob- My fellow uprights would say you can never understand because you have a bird brain.

Hawk- And a good thing to. Otherwise I would have the luxury of doing nothing. And if I may point out, it was your kind  who planted the mushroom clouds. How smart is that. Listen I have got to go lunch is calling and pickings are slim thanks to those slabs of stone you are always laying down...Oh by the way, tell Gary that the look he saw on my face wasn't arrogance it was resignation.

Bob- I will.

Hawk- Before I go, Ishmael says Hello and for you to remind your readers that Al Gore is one of the good guys.