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Letter to the Fat Man 1999

Observations from the Edge
Robert T. Nanninga
Coast News
XMas, 1999

 

Dear Santa,

Once again I find myself writing to you out of a lack of better options. Goddess knows that asking elected officials to respond to the needs of the community is as futile as wishing for peace on Earth. And as I know you are very busy seeing to the selfish wants of greedy children, like last year, I will make my list short and to the point.

As I am sure you remember my first priority was the preservation of open space in North San Diego County. Not to sound ungrateful but you have failed miserably on this account. However, please be assured that I do not hold you fully responsible, as any attempts you might have made to fulfill this wish would have been undermined by petty politicians focused more on pursuing campaign contributions and personal agendas, than actually working to protect the future of the children they profess to be so concerned about.

I also asked, that until a regional building and zoning policy review is conducted, a building moratorium be put in place. Returning land use decisions to the community was the reasoning behind that request. Now, considering that Jerry Harmon has been hard at work to accomplish this I will assume my wish is being granted in the installment plan. This is acceptable.

What is not acceptable is your complete lack of effort in regards to the fur industry. I realize that getting a man of your advanced age to give up the brutal practice of wearing fur is unreasonable. However, your continuing to wear fur allows women to believe that the wearing dead animals is fashionable. As we both know wearing carcasses is as appealing as an August afternoon in Death Valley, and twice as damaging. But then again, your whole image is tied up in the exploitation of animals. Correct me if I am wrong, but there are fake furs on the market.

As for the mass transit I asked for, I have seen very little progress. In fact all we seem to be getting here in Coastal North county is an ever increasing amount of asphalt. If you would refer to last year's letter, you would see that I was quite clear when I defined mass transit as a low cost, reliable monorail. I'm sure, having been to Disneyland, you have seen a monorail before, so ignorance is no excuse. Yet still we are bombarded with pollution spewing automobiles. Here's an idea if you stop putting cars and trucks underneath Christmas trees, perhaps American children will not become addicted to the grown-up versions. This could also refer to guns, but I should stay on message.

Although I asked for the planting of native trees, once again the petty politicians have gone out of their way to continue importing ornamental exotics that are, without artificial water sources, completely unsustainable in this eco-region.  Here in my home town even the people who pretend to be environmentally sensitive have absolutely no room for indigenous trees because they are "Too messy." I would name names, but considering that you are the one with the list, that is probably unnecessary. In regards to my being naughty or nice, I participated in the planting of more than a dozen indigenous trees, therefore I think it is time you came though on this matter.

On my list was the simple request for more organic markets, instead it seems all your twisted little elves have been busying themselves with, is genetic engineering and other threats to the food chain. As if Olestra wasn't bad enough.  I realize you are trying feed 6 billion people, perhaps if you helped industrial nations kick the flesh habitat there would be more naturally grown fruits,vegetables and grain to go around. Just a thought.

As for my request for truth from the Republican party, I now realize that I was asking the impossible, and had only set my self up for disappointment. Speaking of disappointments, out of all the Republicans in the world why is that you chose to inflict the idiot child, George W. Bush, on the American people. Usually when people are bad, you gift them with a lump of coal. What have Americans done to deserve the whole damn coal mine? And if that wasn't bad enough the best Republican candidate, Alan Keyes, is ignored in the press. If this is your doing you are one sick fat man. Obviously you too have bought into the WTO myth. My question is what environmental regulations are you trying to sidestep this year? Or could it be that you are planning to lay off elves so that you can take advantage of slave labor in China?

Yours in Chaos,

Robert T. Nanninga

 
 
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